1 00:00:05,973 --> 00:00:09,410 "MELISSA & JOEY" IS RECORDED IN FRONT OF A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE. 2 00:00:09,443 --> 00:00:11,112 AND WHEN THE BATTER STARTS TO BUBBLE, 3 00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:12,780 YOU GO UNDER IT LIKE THIS AND JUST FLIP IT OVER. 4 00:00:12,813 --> 00:00:14,815 OH, YOU ARE SO GOOD AT FLIPPING THINGS OVER. 5 00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:16,150 MM... ( chuckles ) 6 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,486 AND PANCAKES ARE RUINED FOREVER. 7 00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:21,189 MEL, YOU KNOW HOW YOU COMPLAINED FOR THREE DAYS 8 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:22,323 THAT THERE WAS NO BREAKFAST? 9 00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,192 TODAY WE'RE MAKING IT FOR YOU. 10 00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:26,560 - ( Joey chuckles ) - FLIP! 11 00:00:26,594 --> 00:00:28,329 YOU JUST DID THAT SO WELL. I'M TELLING YOU... 12 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,464 SHE'S LIKE A NATURAL. 13 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,400 HAVE YOU REALLY ONLY BEEN HERE FOR THREE DAYS? 14 00:00:32,433 --> 00:00:34,568 IT JUST... IT SEEMS LIKE SO MUCH MORE. 15 00:00:34,602 --> 00:00:37,271 LOVEMAKING GOES SO FAST WHEN YOU'RE WITH JOSEF. 16 00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:39,340 WHOA... WHAT? ( laughs ) NO NO NO NO. 17 00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,309 WHAT I THINK SHE MEANT WAS THAT TIME 18 00:00:41,342 --> 00:00:42,610 HAS REALLY FLOWN BY SINCE SHE'S BEEN HERE. 19 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,546 OH, WELL, TO ME, TIME IS KIND OF STANDING STILL 20 00:00:45,579 --> 00:00:48,349 AND GROSSING ME OUT. 21 00:00:48,382 --> 00:00:50,184 SO WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING TODAY? 22 00:00:50,218 --> 00:00:52,553 ( scoffs ) 23 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:54,288 BESIDES THAT. 24 00:00:54,322 --> 00:00:56,490 OH, WELL, ACTUALLY 25 00:00:56,524 --> 00:00:58,192 I THINK WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT OUTSIDE TODAY. 26 00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:01,562 AND I'M GOING TO SHOW ELENA SOME OF THE SIGHTS. 27 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:03,231 OH, DO WE HAVE TO? 28 00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:05,366 OH, NO NO... 29 00:01:05,399 --> 00:01:08,102 MY VACATION WILL BE OVER SO SOON. 30 00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:09,637 IT'S SO SAD. 31 00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,405 OH, BUT MAYBE YOU COULD HAVE VACATION 32 00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:12,640 AND COME TO RUSSIA? 33 00:01:12,673 --> 00:01:14,642 MEL, WHEN IS JOE'S VACATION? 34 00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:17,611 OH, WELL, IT SURE SEEMS LIKE HE'S TAKING SOME VACATION 35 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:19,247 RIGHT NOW, YOU KNOW... 'CAUSE NOT A LOT'S 36 00:01:19,280 --> 00:01:21,149 GETTING DONE AT THE HOUSE LATELY. 37 00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:24,185 YOU COULD COME TO SEE ME, JOSEF, 38 00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:26,120 AND THEN I COULD COME BACK HERE AGAIN 39 00:01:26,154 --> 00:01:29,557 AND BACK AND FORTH, AND BACK AND FORTH... 40 00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:31,659 OH, MY GOD. YOU DO THAT SO WELL. 41 00:01:31,692 --> 00:01:34,328 I PERSONALLY DON'T CARE FOR IT. 42 00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:35,663 RELAX, WILL YA? 43 00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:37,331 EVERYTHING'S GOING TO GET DONE AROUND HERE, OKAY? 44 00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:38,566 AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE DINNER TONIGHT. 45 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,534 OH, ARE YOU COOKING IT, JOSEF? 46 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:42,670 - WHAT WILL IT BE? - I AM GOING TO MAKE 47 00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:44,538 MY FAMOUS EGGPLANT PARMESAN. 48 00:01:44,572 --> 00:01:46,474 WHAT'S WITH ALL THE FOOD THINGS? 49 00:01:46,507 --> 00:01:48,576 JOE'S FAMOUS EGGPLANT PARMESAN. 50 00:01:48,609 --> 00:01:51,879 IT'S MISSING ONE INGREDIENT... JOE. 51 00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,547 WELL, WHAT IS HE DOING? UGH, NEVER MIND. 52 00:01:53,581 --> 00:01:55,649 I KNOW WHO HE'S DOING. 53 00:01:55,683 --> 00:01:58,219 - ARE WE GOING TO STARVE? - I'M NOT. 54 00:01:58,252 --> 00:01:59,520 I'M GOING TO HAVE THAT SLICE OF CAKE I'VE BEEN SAVING. 55 00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:03,224 OH, I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS SLICE OF CAKE ALL DAY LONG. 56 00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:06,160 ( winces ) MY SLICE OF CAKE IS GONE. 57 00:02:06,194 --> 00:02:08,596 - WHO ATE IT? - OH, DON'T LOOK AT US. 58 00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,631 - WE WOULD NEVER. - YEAH. 59 00:02:12,266 --> 00:02:14,435 OH, THAT'S MY CAKE... 60 00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,337 PLEASE, EXCUSE FOR THE INTERRUPTION. 61 00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:17,705 Joe: ARE YOU COMING BACK, BABY? 62 00:02:17,738 --> 00:02:20,708 COMING COMING! THIS CAKE WAS DELICIOUS. 63 00:02:20,741 --> 00:02:23,611 - I WISH THERE WAS MORE. - OH, ME TOO. 64 00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,713 MORE CAKE, LESS YOU. 65 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,481 ( theme music playing ) 66 00:02:27,515 --> 00:02:29,183 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 67 00:02:29,217 --> 00:02:30,684 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 68 00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,520 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 69 00:02:32,553 --> 00:02:34,455 ♪ AS FAR AS I CAN SEE 70 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:35,723 - ♪ IT'S ALL GOOD - ♪ All good 71 00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,658 - ♪ IT'S OKAY - ♪ Okay 72 00:02:37,691 --> 00:02:40,228 - ♪ IT'S ALL RIGHT - ♪ All right 73 00:02:40,261 --> 00:02:42,496 ♪ I GUESS YOU'RE STUCK ♪ 74 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,466 ♪ WITH ME ♪ 75 00:02:50,404 --> 00:02:51,972 JOE, WE NEED TO TALK. 76 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:53,741 ALL RIGHT, BUT I'VE ONLY GOT A MINUTE. 77 00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:55,643 I'M TAKING ELENA OUT TO SEE TOLEDO'S HOT SPOTS. 78 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:57,978 YOU KNOW... OTHER THAN ME. ( clears throat ) 79 00:02:58,011 --> 00:03:00,648 OKAY, WELL, I'LL TRY NOT TO TAKE UP TOO MUCH OF YOUR TIME 80 00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,250 WITH SOME TRIVIAL MATTERS LIKE, OH, I DON'T KNOW... 81 00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,452 FORGETTING THE KIDS AT SCHOOL. 82 00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,387 SO I WAS A LITTLE LATE PICKING THEM UP. 83 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:08,489 AND IN YOUR BOXER SHORTS. 84 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,324 I GOT SEVERAL CALLS FROM MOMS. 85 00:03:10,358 --> 00:03:12,426 BUT THERE WERE NO COMPLAINTS, AND YOU KNOW IT. 86 00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:14,628 JOE, THIS GOES BEYOND CARPOOLS. 87 00:03:14,662 --> 00:03:16,664 YOU'RE LETTING ELENA ENCROACH IN MY HOME, 88 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,466 YOUR JOB, MY CAKE. 89 00:03:18,499 --> 00:03:19,733 I'LL MAKE YOU ANOTHER CAKE. 90 00:03:19,767 --> 00:03:22,736 HOW WILL THAT HELP ME EAT CAKE YESTERDAY? 91 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,705 YOU'RE RIGHT. LET ME MAKE IT UP TO YOU. 92 00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:26,240 I'LL MAKE YOU ANOTHER CAKE. 93 00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,741 PFFT, AND SEND IT FROM RUSSIA? 94 00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,778 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, THAT'S WHERE IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GOING. 95 00:03:30,811 --> 00:03:33,581 I KNOW WHAT THIS IS. I KNOW WHAT THIS IS. 96 00:03:33,614 --> 00:03:36,650 WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, I DATED A JANE HAYFEE. 97 00:03:36,684 --> 00:03:37,751 HOT HOT HAYFEE. 98 00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:39,620 MY ROOMMATE WAYNE COMPLAINED ABOUT HER ALL THE TIME, 99 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,255 BUT THAT'S BECAUSE WAYNE WAS SINGLE. 100 00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:43,591 SEE, AND EVERY TIME HE SAW ME AND JANE TOGETHER, 101 00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:46,527 LIKE IN, YOU KNOW, THE SHOWER OR WHATEVER, 102 00:03:46,560 --> 00:03:49,797 IT REMINDED HIM OF HOW SINGLE AND LONELY HE WAS. 103 00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:51,799 OH, SO YOU THINK I'M YOUR LONELY ROOMMATE WAYNE? 104 00:03:51,832 --> 00:03:55,403 YOU SMELL A LITTLE BETTER, BUT YEAH. 105 00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:56,804 LOOK, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO 106 00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:58,606 WITH ME BEING LONELY AND SINGLE... 107 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,542 WHICH, OH, BOY, I AM NOT. 108 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:02,743 THIS IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR GUEST 109 00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,378 TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY GENEROSITY. 110 00:04:04,412 --> 00:04:05,813 YOU KNOW, IN SOME CULTURES, PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY FRIENDLY 111 00:04:05,846 --> 00:04:07,415 TO THEIR GUESTS. 112 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:09,750 EXCUSE ME, I AM THE FRIENDLIEST PERSON I KNOW. 113 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,286 I... I... I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN FRIENDLY. 114 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,522 IN FOURTH GRADE, I WAS THE CLASS GREETER 115 00:04:14,555 --> 00:04:16,824 FOR CAREER DAY, AND I DIDN'T VOLUNTEER. 116 00:04:16,857 --> 00:04:20,428 I WAS PICKED. 117 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,696 YOU ARE NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHAT JOE SAID 118 00:04:22,730 --> 00:04:24,465 THIS WHOLE ELENA PROBLEM IS ABOUT. 119 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:25,833 HE SAYS IT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT... 120 00:04:25,866 --> 00:04:28,569 - GETTING ANY? - FRIENDLY. 121 00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:30,471 HEY, IT'S NOTHING I WANTED TO HEAR. 122 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,773 ELENA'S GOING TO BE GONE IN A COUPLE OF DAYS. 123 00:04:32,806 --> 00:04:34,575 WHY ARE YOU LETTING IT BOTHER YOU SO MUCH? 124 00:04:34,608 --> 00:04:36,810 WELL, THE REAL REASON... WHICH JOE WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO HEAR... 125 00:04:36,844 --> 00:04:38,812 IS THAT IN WHIRLWIND AFFAIRS LIKE THIS 126 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,448 PEOPLE GET HURT. 127 00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:42,450 PEOPLE LIKE YOU? 128 00:04:42,483 --> 00:04:44,852 NO. BIG NO. THIS IS ABOUT JOE. 129 00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:46,820 LOOK, I HAVE HAD MY SHARE OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS. 130 00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,456 OKAY? AFTER COLLEGE, 131 00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:50,391 I HAD A THREE-MONTH EURORAIL PASS, 132 00:04:50,424 --> 00:04:51,859 AND LET'S JUST SAY MY VISA GOT PUNCHED 133 00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,761 AT A FEW DIFFERENT STOPS. 134 00:04:53,794 --> 00:04:55,763 UGH! 135 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,531 I'M JUST SAYING... THINGS LIKE THIS 136 00:04:57,565 --> 00:04:59,367 BURN HOT AND HEAVY, BUT THEN THEY FLAME OUT. 137 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,602 AND ALL YOU'RE LEFT WITH IS, YOU KNOW, 138 00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:04,772 WARM, SHAMEFUL MEMORIES. 139 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,106 DID YOU NOT HEAR ME? 140 00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,341 UGH! 141 00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,743 ANYWAY, IF JOE THINKS THIS IS ANYTHING MORE THAN A FLING, 142 00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:10,811 HE'S KIDDING HIMSELF. 143 00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,481 OR JOE COULD GO VISIT HER IN RUSSIA 144 00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:16,517 AND THE RELATIONSHIP COULD HAVE A FUTURE. 145 00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:18,118 YOU SAID IT YOURSELF... 146 00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,720 I WAS EAVESDROPPING. 147 00:05:19,753 --> 00:05:21,889 YEAH, I SAID IT, BUT I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING. 148 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,491 I DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING AT ALL. 149 00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,359 IN FACT, THE ONLY THING I DO SEE AROUND HERE 150 00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:27,561 IS DIRTY DISHES IN THE SINK, DUST BUNNIES ON THE FLOOR, 151 00:05:27,595 --> 00:05:29,363 AND A TABLE FULL OF JUNK FOOD. 152 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:31,765 WHAT, IS THIS JOE'S IDEA OF A GOOD LUNCH NOW? 153 00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,901 NO, IT'S MY IDEA OF A LUNCH. 154 00:05:33,934 --> 00:05:35,769 IN FACT, IT'S EVERY MEAL FROM NOW ON. 155 00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:38,806 BREAKFAST BURRITOS, GUMMY WORMS, CHOCOLATE WING-WANGS... 156 00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,709 I'M EATING IT ALL IN THE NAME OF JOURNALISM. 157 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,711 OH, DOES JOURNALISM LIKE A LITTLE JUNK IN THE TRUNK? 158 00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:47,481 NO, THE SCHOOL VENDING MACHINE IS TRYING TO KILL US ALL. 159 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,882 YOU KNOW MY FRIEND MAZIE GOODMAN? 160 00:05:48,916 --> 00:05:49,817 BIG GIRL? 161 00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,820 SHE HAS TWO JELLY DONUTS FOR LUNCH EVERY DAY. 162 00:05:52,853 --> 00:05:54,822 THEN SHE SUGAR CRASHES AND FALLS ASLEEP IN MATH. 163 00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:57,791 WELL, THE WORLD NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT THE SCHOOL IS DOING TO US KIDS. 164 00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,927 SO I'M GOING TO EAT NOTHING BUT VENDING MACHINE FOOD 165 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,729 AND CHRONICLE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME. 166 00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:02,863 WOW, I THINK YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO INSPIRE SOME PEOPLE 167 00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:05,666 TO MAKE HEALTHIER CHOICES. 168 00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,935 OH, MALTED MILK BALLS! ( squeals ) 169 00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,638 I'LL CHRONICLE THESE. 170 00:06:10,671 --> 00:06:12,740 TERRIBLE. IT'S JUST TERRIBLE. 171 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:16,810 OH, AWESOME! IS THIS FOR YOUR BLOG? 172 00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,546 KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY CRAP. 173 00:06:18,579 --> 00:06:20,548 I'M THE ONE WHO HAS TO EAT ALL OF THIS. 174 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,950 I'M SAVING MY FRIEND AND A GENERATION OF AMERICA'S YOUTH. 175 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,819 SO BACK OFF. 176 00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:28,589 OH! PINK BALL OF DEATH. 177 00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:30,491 WHY DON'T I DO ALL THE EATING FOR YOU? 178 00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:32,426 I'LL CHOKE DOWN ALL THIS TRANS-FATTY GOODNESS 179 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:33,894 AND YOU CAN DO ALL THE WRITING. 180 00:06:33,927 --> 00:06:36,163 - MY GUTS, YOUR GLORY. - FINE. 181 00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,698 BUT YOU CAN ONLY EAT FOOD FROM THE VENDING MACHINE. 182 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,468 HEY, MAN, NO ONE'S ARGUING. 183 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:47,441 DID I JUST SEE YOU PUT POP ROCKS IN THAT BURRITO? 184 00:06:47,475 --> 00:06:49,877 YEAH. IT'S AN EXPLOSION OF MEXICAN FLAVOR. 185 00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,845 OH, LIKE A LITTLE HAT DANCE IN YOUR MOUTH? 186 00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:54,214 MM. SI. 187 00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,850 - UH-OH. - RYDER? 188 00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,886 YOU KNOW, UM, MAYBE SOME THINGS 189 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:01,589 WEREN'T MEANT TO BE MIXED TOGETHER. 190 00:07:01,622 --> 00:07:04,592 I'LL BE ALL RIGHT. 191 00:07:04,625 --> 00:07:06,927 ( softly moans ) 192 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,198 HEY, MEL. 193 00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,734 OH, THE LOVEBIRDS ARE HERE. 194 00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:15,903 JOSEF TOOK ME FOR FIRST TIME ON FERRIS WHEEL. 195 00:07:15,936 --> 00:07:17,805 WE WERE UP SO SO HIGH. 196 00:07:17,838 --> 00:07:19,006 THE VIEW WAS INCREDIBLE. 197 00:07:19,039 --> 00:07:20,508 IT ALWAYS IS WHEN I'M WITH YOU. 198 00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:23,477 - AWW. - UGH! 199 00:07:23,511 --> 00:07:25,012 WHAT A WONDERFUL DAY. 200 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:28,516 AND NOW I MUST GO UPSTAIRS BECAUSE I HAVE POOPED. 201 00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,751 I HOPE YOU MEAN YOU A POOPED. 202 00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,920 YES. THAT. 203 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,888 THANK YOU FOR A WONDERFUL DAY, JOSEF. 204 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,490 YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOME. 205 00:07:36,524 --> 00:07:38,025 YOU NEED ANYTHING ELSE BEFORE I HAVE TO GO? 206 00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:40,027 WHAT? YOU ARE LEAVING? 207 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,662 YEAH, YOU REMEMBER? I TOLD YOU THAT 208 00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:42,996 THAT FRIEND OF MINE FROM BUSINESS SCHOOL 209 00:07:43,030 --> 00:07:44,532 IS THROWING THAT BIG POKER EVENT TONIGHT, 210 00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,899 AND HE INVITED ALL OF HIS BROKER BUDDIES 211 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:48,035 AND IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT CHANCE FOR ME TO DO SOME NETWORKING 212 00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,270 AND UNFORTUNATELY I JUST CAN'T AFFORD TO MISS IT. 213 00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,973 CAN'T WE GO TOGETHER? 214 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,043 ELENA, IF I SHOW UP WITH YOU, 215 00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,778 NO ONE'S GOING TO BE TALKING TO ME. 216 00:07:57,811 --> 00:08:00,047 NO. BESIDES, I THINK THIS WILL BE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY 217 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,716 FOR YOU AND MEL TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER. 218 00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:04,284 YOU KNOW, THE TWO LADIES IN MY LIFE. 219 00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:05,686 HANGING OUT. YOU KNOW? 220 00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:08,021 AND THIS WOULD BE AN OPPORTUNITY FOR YOU 221 00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:10,658 TO SHOW ELENA HOW FRIENDLY YOU ARE. 222 00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:13,527 ( chuckles ) THAT'S SO NOT NECESSARY. 223 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:14,895 YEAH! COME ON. IT'LL BE GREAT. 224 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:16,664 YOU KNOW? YOU TWO HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. 225 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,700 I MEAN, YOU'RE BOTH HIGH-POWERED CAREER WOMEN... 226 00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:23,871 ( clears throat ) 227 00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,939 AND THERE'S THIS. 228 00:08:25,973 --> 00:08:27,641 HMM? ( chuckles ) 229 00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:29,810 THERE WE GO. I PROMISE I WILL NOT BE OUT TOO LATE. 230 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,012 OKAY? MWAH. 231 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,814 GOOD NIGHT. NIGHT, BURKE. 232 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:36,850 ( door closes ) 233 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,625 WELL... 234 00:08:44,658 --> 00:08:46,660 SO... 235 00:08:47,795 --> 00:08:49,797 ( sighs ) 236 00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,335 ( sighs ) 237 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,838 ( murmurs, clears throat ) 238 00:08:57,871 --> 00:09:00,040 YOU LIKE WOMEN, NO? 239 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,942 WHAT... WHAT... WHY WOULD YOU THINK THAT? 240 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:04,011 THESE SHOES JUST HAPPEN TO BE COMFORTABLE. 241 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,914 HOW IS IT YOU CAN LIVE WITH JOSEF 242 00:09:06,947 --> 00:09:09,950 AND NOT WANT TO JUMP UP AND DOWN ON HIS BONES ALL THE TIME? 243 00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,753 I OFTEN WANT TO JUMP UP AND DOWN ON HIS BONES, 244 00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,788 BUT ONLY WHEN I'M WEARING BIG, HEAVY BOOTS. 245 00:09:14,822 --> 00:09:16,857 YOU MAKE JOKE. 246 00:09:16,890 --> 00:09:18,358 I WISH I MAKE JOKE. 247 00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:20,794 ( both chuckle ) 248 00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:23,130 AND AFTER UNIVERSITY, IT TOOK MANY YEARS 249 00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,098 TO RISE UP THE CORPORATE RANKS AT PRODKO. 250 00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,734 IT IS VERY HARD 251 00:09:26,767 --> 00:09:29,002 TO BE BUSINESSWOMAN IN SUCH A SEXIST COUNTRY. 252 00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:31,939 DO YOU KNOW HOW YOU SAY "FEMALE EXECUTIVE" IN RUSSIAN? 253 00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,774 YOU DON'T. 254 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,142 BUT YOU DIDN'T LET THAT STOP YOU, DID YOU? 255 00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:38,011 - NO, I DIDN'T. - OH, NYET, YOU DIDN'T. 256 00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:41,782 LET'S DRINK TO YOU. 257 00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,617 I AM DETERMINED PERSON. 258 00:09:43,651 --> 00:09:45,619 WHEN I WANT TO DO SOMETHING, I DO IT. 259 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:47,120 AND WHEN I WANT TO DO SOMEONE, 260 00:09:47,154 --> 00:09:49,089 I DO IT. 261 00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:51,725 NA ZDAROV'E! 262 00:09:53,927 --> 00:09:55,128 ( sighs ) 263 00:09:55,162 --> 00:09:56,897 YOU KNOW, I AM TRULY IMPRESSED. 264 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:59,399 YOU ARE SELF-ASSURED, AND TOUGH, 265 00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:01,168 AND... AND... AND ACCOMPLISHED. 266 00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:03,036 I MEAN, YOU'RE LIKE A RUSSIAN ME... 267 00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,805 ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW IF I WOULD BE SO COOL 268 00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,173 ABOUT LETTING JOE GO OUT WITH THE GUYS TONIGHT. 269 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,041 SO? WHAT IS BIG DEAL? 270 00:10:08,075 --> 00:10:10,744 WELL, YOU KNOW, IF I TRAVELED 5,000 MILES TO VISIT A GUY, 271 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,112 AND HE LEFT ME FOR A "SPECIAL POKER NIGHT," 272 00:10:12,145 --> 00:10:13,914 I'D BE PRETTY UPSET. 273 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,916 YOU'D BE CRYING, WEEPY GIRL? 274 00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:18,185 EXCUSE ME, NO... I'D BE PUTTING ON MY BONE-STOMPING BOOTS 275 00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:20,654 AND HE'D BE CRYING, WEEPY BOY. 276 00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:23,924 SO JOE GOING OUT FOR BOYS' NIGHT 277 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,125 IS BAD THING? 278 00:10:25,158 --> 00:10:27,160 WELL, IT'S NOT BAD. IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, 279 00:10:27,194 --> 00:10:32,065 SELFISH, AND IMMATURE, AND... PFFT... MALE. 280 00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:33,801 DON'T LISTEN TO ME. I'M DRUNK. 281 00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:36,804 YOU KNOW, SO HEY... NA ZDAROV'E! 282 00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,739 HEY, I SWEAR, THE MORE VODKA I HAVE, 283 00:10:38,772 --> 00:10:40,908 THE BETTER I PRONOUNCE THAT. 284 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:43,010 HEY! GOOD EVENING, LADIES. 285 00:10:43,043 --> 00:10:45,145 ( speaking Russian ) 286 00:10:45,178 --> 00:10:46,780 HEY, JOE! 287 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,816 WHAT'S GOING ON? 288 00:10:48,849 --> 00:10:51,451 ( speaking Russian ) 289 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,987 IDIOT! ( speaks Russian ) 290 00:10:54,021 --> 00:10:55,222 OH, I THINK SHE'S SAYING 291 00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:58,926 "I MISSED MY BIG AMERICAN LOVER." 292 00:10:58,959 --> 00:11:01,028 HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH THINGS TO ME, JOSEF? 293 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:03,897 YOU LEAVE ME ALONE AND GO PLAY POKING WITH YOUR BOYFRIENDS. 294 00:11:03,931 --> 00:11:05,899 OKAY. ( chuckles ) 295 00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:08,235 FIRST OF ALL, IT'S... IT'S POKER. 296 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,870 AND THEY'RE NOT MY BOYFRIENDS. 297 00:11:09,903 --> 00:11:11,839 THOSE GUYS WERE BROKERS, AND I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU HERE ALONE. 298 00:11:11,872 --> 00:11:13,106 - I LEFT YOU WITH MEL. - YES. 299 00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:15,776 AND GOOD THING. SHE GOT MY EYES OPEN. 300 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:17,110 REALLY? NO, I MEAN, 301 00:11:17,144 --> 00:11:18,946 I THINK THEY WERE PRETTY OPEN WHEN YOU GOT HERE... 302 00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:21,248 YOU KNOW, LIKE WAH! 303 00:11:21,281 --> 00:11:25,919 YOU ARE A SELFISH, THOUGHTLESS, MALE... MAN! 304 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:29,289 ELENA. 305 00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:35,829 ( yawning ) OH, I'M SO TIRED. 306 00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:38,265 WAIT A MINUTE. WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY TO HER? 307 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:40,467 WHO, HER? PFFT. NOTHING. 308 00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:43,136 NOTHING? SHE LIKED ME WHEN I LEFT HERE. 309 00:11:43,170 --> 00:11:44,872 ( whistling ) 310 00:11:44,905 --> 00:11:46,907 YOU BROKE HER. 311 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,242 ( Elena speaking Russian ) 312 00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,979 ELENA, COME ON. JUST OPEN UP THE DOOR, ALL RIGHT? 313 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,881 CAN'T WE JUST TALK ABOUT IT? 314 00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:56,016 - ( speaking Russian ) - HOW'S IT GOING? 315 00:11:56,049 --> 00:12:00,487 ( speaking Russian ) 316 00:12:00,520 --> 00:12:02,990 LIKE THAT. 317 00:12:03,023 --> 00:12:05,025 HEY, LOOK, I'VE BEEN ON THE OTHER SIDE OF A DOOR OR TWO. 318 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,794 TELL HER... ( speaks Russian ) 319 00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:08,161 IT MEANS, "I'M SORRY." 320 00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:09,963 WHAT? WE HUNG OUT. I PICKED UP A FEW PHRASES. 321 00:12:09,997 --> 00:12:12,900 ( speaks Russian ) 322 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,969 ( sighs ) ELENA... 323 00:12:16,003 --> 00:12:18,238 ( speaks Russian ) 324 00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,908 YEAH, THAT WORKED GREAT. 325 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,309 YOU JUST GOT STARTED. 326 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:23,944 LOOK, ELENA MAY BE FROM HALF A WORLD AWAY, 327 00:12:23,977 --> 00:12:25,913 BUT WE ALL UNDERSTAND THE SAME LANGUAGE... APOLOGY. 328 00:12:25,946 --> 00:12:28,548 UM, TELL HER, "IT HURTS ME WHEN I SEE YOU CRY." 329 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,150 ISN'T THAT A LITTLE OVER THE TOP? 330 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:32,052 TRUST ME. AND DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES WHEN YOU SAY IT. 331 00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,921 WE CAN HEAR THAT. 332 00:12:33,954 --> 00:12:37,791 FINE. ( sighs ) 333 00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:40,127 IT HURTS ME WHEN I SEE YOU CRY. 334 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,930 REALLY? 335 00:12:42,963 --> 00:12:44,031 YOU'RE SPECIAL. 336 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,133 IT'S NOT EVERY DAY YOU FIND SOMEONE YOU CONNECT WITH, 337 00:12:46,166 --> 00:12:48,201 AND I CONNECT WITH YOU. 338 00:12:48,235 --> 00:12:51,304 YOU'RE SO SPECIAL, ELENA. 339 00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,073 I MEAN, IT'S NOT EVERY DAY THAT YOU FIND SOMEONE 340 00:12:53,106 --> 00:12:56,043 THAT YOU CONNECT WITH, AND I... I REALLY CONNECT WITH YOU. 341 00:12:56,076 --> 00:12:58,946 I... I DIDN'T REALIZE UNTIL JUST NOW 342 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,147 HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU. 343 00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:03,150 AND I DIDN'T REALIZE TILL NOW HOW MUCH I CARE ABOUT YOU. 344 00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:07,087 - ( sighs ) - AND... 345 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,956 AND? 346 00:13:08,989 --> 00:13:11,959 AND I'M GONNA MISS YOU WHEN YOU'RE IN RUSSIA, JOE. 347 00:13:11,992 --> 00:13:14,094 - ( sighs ) - WHAT? 348 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:15,963 I MEAN, YOU... TELL HER YOU'RE GONNA MISS HER 349 00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:17,998 WHEN SHE'S GONE, JOE. 350 00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,103 ELENA, WE DON'T HAVE A LOT OF TIME LEFT, SWEETIE. 351 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:25,105 PLEASE DON'T MAKE US SPEND IT 352 00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:27,841 WITH THIS DOOR BETWEEN US. 353 00:13:29,142 --> 00:13:32,279 ( unlocks door ) 354 00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:35,048 - NOW YOU GO IN, AND YOU... - THANK YOU, BURKE. 355 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:38,085 I CAN HANDLE IT FROM HERE. 356 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,998 ( crunches loudly ) 357 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:54,902 ( crunching ) 358 00:13:58,906 --> 00:14:00,874 WHAT ARE YOU EATING? 359 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:04,011 A CHOCOLATE WING-WANG. 360 00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,113 SHOW ME THE WRAPPER. 361 00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:08,315 OKAY! IT'S A CARROT. 362 00:14:08,348 --> 00:14:10,951 WE HAD A DEAL. HOW COULD YOU? 363 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:12,886 I'VE EATEN NOTHING BUT VENDING MACHINE FOOD 364 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,955 FOR TWO DAYS. NOW... NOW I'M BLOATED, 365 00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,289 AND TIRED, AND EVERYTHING COMING OUT OF ME 366 00:14:16,323 --> 00:14:18,926 IS AS UNNATURAL AS WHAT'S GOING IN. 367 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:21,294 I'VE ONLY POSTED ONE BLOG ARTICLE SO FAR. 368 00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:23,030 THE MAZIE GOODMANS OF THE WORLD 369 00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:24,664 ARE COUNTING ON US TO COME TO THEIR RESCUE. 370 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:28,168 I THINK I'M GONNA YAK UP A GUMMY SQUIRREL. 371 00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:32,439 NEVER MIND. IT RAN BACK DOWN. 372 00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,307 YOU'RE DOING IMPORTANT WORK HERE, 373 00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:36,243 AND YOUR BRAVERY INSPIRES US ALL. 374 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:40,147 NOW... MAN UP AND... 375 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,414 EAT YOUR BREAKFAST. 376 00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:44,051 CAN I AT LEAST PUT SOME MILK IN IT? 377 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:46,353 I THINK YOU KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT. 378 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,926 - HEY, MEL. - HEY, JOE. 379 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,461 HOW DID EVERYTHING WORK OUT WITH ELENA LAST NIGHT? 380 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:57,264 OH, SHE WAS STEAMING. 381 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:59,933 SO WAS THE MAKE-UP SEX. 382 00:14:59,967 --> 00:15:01,401 MM, YOU KNOW, A SIMPLE THUMBS-UP, 383 00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:03,336 THUMBS-DOWN WOULD DO. 384 00:15:03,370 --> 00:15:05,238 LOOK, I'M SORRY IF I STIRRED THINGS UP. 385 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,374 MAYBE YOU AND ELENA DO HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER. 386 00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:09,977 YOU KNOW? MAYBE NOTHING TERRIBLE WILL HAPPEN. 387 00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:15,315 JOSEF, SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED. 388 00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,450 I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MY BOSS IN RUSSIA. 389 00:15:17,484 --> 00:15:19,386 THERE IS ENORMOUS SCANDAL AT PRODKO. 390 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:22,956 - WHAT HAPPENED? - IN RUSSIA WE CALL IT "PONZI SCHEME." 391 00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,125 THE GOVERNMENT HAS SHUT DOWN THE COMPANY 392 00:15:25,158 --> 00:15:26,359 AND ARRESTED ALL THE EXECUTIVES. 393 00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:28,295 BUT I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG. 394 00:15:28,328 --> 00:15:30,130 OH, I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T, SWEETIE. 395 00:15:30,163 --> 00:15:31,965 WHEN I RETURN TO ST. PETERSBURG, 396 00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:34,067 I'M SURE TO BE ARRESTED. 397 00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,069 OH, JOSEF, I'M SO SCARED. 398 00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:37,304 WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? 399 00:15:37,337 --> 00:15:39,306 LOOK LOOK, WE'RE GONNA... 400 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:41,174 WE'RE GONNA FIGURE SOMETHING OUT, OKAY? 401 00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:43,010 - RIGHT, MEL? - YOU BETCHA. 402 00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:45,445 YEAH, WE WON'T LET YOU DOWN. 403 00:15:45,478 --> 00:15:47,414 ( mouthing words ) 404 00:15:57,424 --> 00:16:00,093 SO WE SPENT ALL DAY TRYING TO FIND ELENA 405 00:16:00,127 --> 00:16:01,361 SOME LEGAL COUNSEL AND WE GOT NOTHING. 406 00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,330 WELL, IT LOOKS LIKE YOU GOT SOMETHING. 407 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:06,499 OH, YEAH, SHE HAD NEVER SEEN AN OUTLET MALL BEFORE. 408 00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:09,536 SEE THAT? RETAIL THERAPY CROSSES ALL CULTURES. 409 00:16:09,569 --> 00:16:14,374 I'M GOING TO GO PUT ON MY FANCY NEW BRAS AND WEEP. 410 00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:16,743 THANK YOU FOR TRYING SO HARD TO HELP ME, JOSEF. 411 00:16:16,776 --> 00:16:18,445 MWAH. 412 00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,782 - ( door closes ) - DAMN. 413 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,151 YOU KNOW, ELENA'S GOING TO GET ARRESTED 414 00:16:24,184 --> 00:16:25,785 AS SOON AS SHE RETURNS TO RUSSIA. 415 00:16:25,818 --> 00:16:27,520 AND THEN WHO KNOWS WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO HER? 416 00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:31,024 HEY, YOU'RE A GOVERNMENT THING. CAN'T YOU HELP HER? 417 00:16:31,058 --> 00:16:33,426 YEAH, I COULD GET HER A PARADE PERMIT. 418 00:16:33,460 --> 00:16:36,363 LOOK, JOE, ELENA IS A TOUGH, INTELLIGENT WOMAN. 419 00:16:36,396 --> 00:16:38,431 SHE'LL BE ABLE TO FIND HER WAY OUT OF THIS JAM. 420 00:16:38,465 --> 00:16:40,200 I DON'T KNOW... THEY'VE GOT SOME PRETTY TOUGH JAMS 421 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,368 IN HER COUNTRY. I JUST WISH THERE 422 00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:43,170 WAS SOME WAY FOR HER TO STAY HERE IN THE U.S. 423 00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:44,804 UNTIL IT WAS SAFE FOR HER TO RETURN. 424 00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,406 WELL, THERE ARE THE OBVIOUS WAYS. 425 00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:48,375 UM, SHE COULD FAKE HER OWN DEATH. 426 00:16:48,408 --> 00:16:50,343 SHE COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, 427 00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:51,578 OR, YOU KNOW, SHE COULD MARRY MY UNCLE JIMMY 428 00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:53,446 AND MAYBE THEN HE'D STOP ASKING ME. 429 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,049 THAT'S IT! NOT YOUR CREEPY UNCLE JIMMY THING, 430 00:16:56,083 --> 00:16:57,450 BUT THE WHOLE MARRIAGE THING. 431 00:16:57,484 --> 00:17:00,087 WAIT A MINUTE... IF SHE MARRIED A U.S. CITIZEN, 432 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,389 I COULD SAVE HER FROM BEING EXTRADITED. 433 00:17:02,422 --> 00:17:04,524 - ELENA! - WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA. 434 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,360 BACK UP THE WHITE STEED, SIR LONGOLOT. 435 00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:09,196 GREEN CARD MARRIAGES ARE ILLEGAL. 436 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,497 YOU COULD BOTH GET IN SERIOUS TROUBLE. 437 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:13,500 YEAH. YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 438 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,202 YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIGHT. I WAS JUST... 439 00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:16,436 GRASPING AT STRAWS, YOU KNOW? 440 00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,238 'CAUSE I JUST DON'T WANT HER LIFE TO BE RUINED 441 00:17:18,271 --> 00:17:19,506 BY THIS FINANCIAL SCANDAL LIKE MINE WAS. 442 00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:22,375 WELL, LOOK, YOU'RE UPSET BECAUSE SHE'S YOUR FRIEND. 443 00:17:22,409 --> 00:17:24,311 BUT THAT'S THE BEST THING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW... 444 00:17:24,344 --> 00:17:26,546 IS JUST BE HER FRIEND. 445 00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,615 OH, BUT IF SHE DOES WANT THAT PLASTIC SURGERY OPTION, 446 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,550 TELL HER NOT TO GO TO MY MOM'S GUY 447 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,152 BECAUSE HER BELLY BUTTON IS UP TO HERE. 448 00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:38,525 WOW, THIS FOOD LOOKS FANTASTIC. 449 00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:40,393 YEAH, WELL, THIS IS ELENA'S FAREWELL DINNER 450 00:17:40,427 --> 00:17:42,162 SO I WANTED TO MAKE IT SPECIAL. 451 00:17:42,195 --> 00:17:44,297 I PREPARED ALL OF THE RUSSIAN CLASSICS. 452 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,566 I SEE... PORK AND BEEF POLMENY, 453 00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:48,468 BORSCHT, POTATO VARENIKI... 454 00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,403 THAT'S RIGHT. AND FOR DESSERT, MY HOMEMADE CANNOLI. 455 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:52,472 CANNOLI? THAT'S NOT A RUSSIAN DESSERT. 456 00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,575 YEAH, BUT NOTHING'S BETTER THAN MY CANNOLI. 457 00:17:55,608 --> 00:17:58,278 DIG IN, EVERYBODY, BEFORE THE POLMENY GETS COLD 458 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:00,447 AND THE BORSCHT GETS WARM. 459 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:02,282 OH, MY GOD! VEGETABLES. 460 00:18:02,315 --> 00:18:04,551 I WANT TO MAKE OUT WITH THIS BROCCOLI. 461 00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,586 HEY, WHAT ABOUT LENNOX'S JUNK FOOD RESEARCH? 462 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:10,123 I'M DONE. I'VE EATEN MY LAST TRANS-FAT GUT-BOMB. 463 00:18:10,157 --> 00:18:13,893 MY BLOG POST SPREAD LIKE HEAD LICE IN A KINDERGARTEN. 464 00:18:13,926 --> 00:18:15,528 PARENTS WENT NUTS. 465 00:18:15,562 --> 00:18:17,464 SO THE SCHOOL GOT RID OF ALL THE JUNK FOOD 466 00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:20,233 AND THEY'RE STOCKING THE VENDING MACHINES WITH ONLY HEALTHY STUFF. 467 00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:23,270 - WELL DONE, LENNOX. - YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE BEGIN, 468 00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:27,274 I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING TO OUR GUEST OF HONOR. 469 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:29,542 ELENA, I'M GOING TO MISS YOU SO MUCH. 470 00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,244 MM. 471 00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:34,281 I'LL MISS THE WAY THAT YOU HUGGED ME IN THE MORNINGS... 472 00:18:34,314 --> 00:18:36,383 HUGGED ME VERY... 473 00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,684 VERY TIGHTLY. 474 00:18:37,717 --> 00:18:40,720 SUCH SWEET BOY. 475 00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:45,158 RYDER, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS, BUDDY. 476 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,595 I'D LIKE TO MAKE A TOAST. 477 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,563 ELENA, EVEN THOUGH SOME... 478 00:18:50,597 --> 00:18:53,566 TOUGH TIMES LIE AHEAD, I KNOW YOU WILL OVERCOME ALL OF THEM. 479 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:57,170 I THINK YOU ARE AN EXCEPTIONALLY STRONG 480 00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:59,339 AND INSPIRATIONAL WOMAN, 'CAUSE... 481 00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,708 IT TAKES ONE TO KNOW ONE. 482 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:03,643 THANK YOU, MEL. 483 00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:06,279 I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO MAKE SOME TOAST. 484 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:10,317 YOU HAVE ALL OPENED YOUR HOME AND YOUR HEARTS TO ME. 485 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:13,320 I WILL HAVE MANY TROPICAL TOLEDO MEMORIES TO KEEP ME WARM 486 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:16,523 ON THOSE COLD SIBERIAN NIGHTS. 487 00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:18,258 I MAKE JOKE! 488 00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:19,592 NOBODY GETS SENT TO SIBERIA ANYMORE. 489 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,228 ( both chuckle ) 490 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,529 WE GO TO FORCED LABOR CAMP 491 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:23,930 AND TRY NOT TO CATCH TUBERCULOSIS 492 00:19:23,963 --> 00:19:26,266 WHILE AWAITING TRIAL. 493 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:28,235 NA ZDAROV'E! 494 00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:30,670 Mel and Joey: NA ZDAROV'E! 495 00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:33,206 YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA SAY SOMETHING NOW. 496 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,741 ELENA... 497 00:19:34,774 --> 00:19:36,676 I KNOW WE HAVEN'T KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR VERY LONG, 498 00:19:36,709 --> 00:19:38,611 BUT IN THE SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME THAT WE HAVE, 499 00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:40,580 I HAVE REALLY GROWN TO... 500 00:19:40,613 --> 00:19:42,682 RESPECT YOU, AND ADMIRE YOU, AND... 501 00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:44,651 TRULY CARE ABOUT YOU. 502 00:19:44,684 --> 00:19:47,587 AND THERE IS NO WAY I'M GONNA LET YOU GO BACK TO RUSSIA 503 00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:51,258 AND BE PUNISHED FOR SOMETHING THAT YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH. 504 00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:53,993 SO, ELENA ROMANOV, 505 00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,363 WILL YOU MARRY ME AND BECOME A U.S. CITIZEN? 506 00:19:56,396 --> 00:19:58,298 - WHAT?! - ( stammers ) 507 00:19:58,331 --> 00:20:00,500 YOU ARE SERIOUS? YOU WOULD DO THIS FOR ME? 508 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,669 YOU BET I WOULD. SO WHAT DO YOU SAY? 509 00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:06,639 I SAY... DA! 510 00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,676 THIS IS THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE. 511 00:20:12,379 --> 00:20:14,514 HOLY CANNOLI. 512 00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:20,253 LOOK AT THAT, RYDER. 513 00:20:20,287 --> 00:20:23,390 NOT A MOLECULE OF POLYSORBATE-60 IN SIGHT. 514 00:20:23,423 --> 00:20:24,657 YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES, IF PEOPLE CAN'T MAKE 515 00:20:24,691 --> 00:20:26,025 GOOD CHOICES FOR THEMSELVES, 516 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:28,328 SOMEONE ELSE HAS TO MAKE GOOD CHOICES FOR THEM. 517 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:30,697 ARE YOU LENNOX SCANLON? 518 00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,565 - YEAH. - YOU WROTE THAT BLOG STORY 519 00:20:32,599 --> 00:20:34,000 ALL ABOUT THE JUNK FOOD? 520 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:36,636 YES. IT WAS JUST SOMETHING I HAD TO DO. 521 00:20:36,669 --> 00:20:39,005 IT'S HER. SHE'S THE ONE THAT MADE THE SCHOOL 522 00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:42,309 PUT ALL THE HEALTHY STUFF IN THE VENDING MACHINES. 523 00:20:42,342 --> 00:20:44,711 - ( chuckles ) SEE YA. - LET'S GET HER! 524 00:20:52,485 --> 00:20:54,721 YO. I'VE GOT SUGARY, PROCESSED CRAP HERE. 525 00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:55,722 THREE BUCKS A POP.